


comin' up for air

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Free!
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Depression, I wanna die yo, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, this is just me projecting tbh, though considering high speed 2... maybe it's not that far off, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 12:31:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13951611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: Makoto wondered what it would be like to drown.





	comin' up for air

Makoto wondered what it would be like to drown.

He knew—oh, did he knew—what it was like, to some degree. He had felt water fill his lungs, his flailing in a desperate attempt to rise to the surface, against the current, instinctually fighting to get air in his lungs; to cling to life, no matter how his brain would haunt him in the night.

Basic instincts.

You're body will always struggle, a knee jerk reaction, as you claw and claw and claw, trying desperately not to let go. To just grasp that fading light, to just _breathe_.

 _Breathe_.

Sometimes, it felt like he didn't know how to, even outside of the water. It smothered him; everything, it all, the weight of his life pressed down upon his chest until he _wheezed_ and _wheezed_.

Body and mind, both against him.

He thought again, of the water. Of drowning. He was scared of what laid before him; the ocean, in all its glory. He was terrified of it. He was cold, and unforgiving, swallowing people up into its vaste darkness.

Even rin's dad.

But haru loved it. Haru loved everything swimming; loved the water. No matter how afraid he was of himself, that fact never changed. Even when he didn't step foot in a pool, he had stayed, in his bathtub, sitting. Even if it had hurt him before, he didn't fear the water. He loved it.

Maybe more than haru loved him.

If he died, like this, in a way, would he be closer to haru?

To die by something haru loved.

Makoto knew what drowning felt like; he had nearly done so, a few times, now.

What he didn't know—what he _wanted_ to know—

_Was what it felt like not to wake up._


End file.
